SEC Chair & Former Chair Challenged To Cage Match For Right To Determine Who Makes Crowdfunding Rules

The federal government using the infinite wisdom that has led to a $15 trillion deficit has decided to order the SEC inject itself into private lives by requiring people who want to go into crowdfunding to register all in the name of fiscal accountability. Why?  Because one of the government mottoes is, “If it ain’t broke, fix it ‘til it is.” Since crowdfunding has so far been incredibly simple and so easy anyone with an internet connection could do it, government regulators have insisted something be done to complicate matters.

The SEC website has several links discussing the Jumpstart Our Business Startups (JOBS) act which contains language like “Cost-effective access to capital for companies of all sizes plays a critical role in our national economy, and companies seeking access to capital should not be hindered by unnecessary or overly burdensome regulations.” Reduced to plain English this means “It’s going to get a lot harder as soon as we find enough sociologists and lawyers to make it as confusing as possible.”

Actual crowdfunding websites approach it from the “Hey! C’mon and sign up today!” direction.

Go to the SEC website and you might be able to find a “FAQ” list to help you register your crowdfunding company. Pack a lunch because you’ll be there a while looking for it.

Since I have a near genius IQ, I am too smart to understand the FAQ. So I contacted a friend who once worked for the government.  Well, he was a test subject in a military experiment, so close enough.  Without further ado, here is what we, Richard “The Vermin” Thundersquat (he moonlights as a professional wrestler) and I came up with after reading the FAQ.

Question: I want to start a crowdfunding business.  What do I need to do?

Answer: We need the following: Your name, your spouse’s name, a name of a child you have and one you do not have, the name of your uncle’s aunt’s sister’s brother’s cousin’s kid’s former college roommate, a urine sample, your urine sample, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Question: What if I want to seek crowdfunding for a project that will help orphans and other children?

Answer: Well, since that would be a good idea, we can’t let you do that. There is no federal regulation yet and without federal regulation, good things may happen. We cannot allow good things to happen without federal oversight because who would reap the rewards? Small businesses, startups and inventors who actually have valid ideas or the government? Can I have a glass of water?

Question: But I have a valid idea that is only slightly cooler than 0 degrees Kelvin, will not cost much money and has the ability to help millions of people without interference from any government entity. And I don’t have a glass for your water.

Answer: Now this is just ludicrous. How can anyone expect to get anything done without oversight from the government? We have to have a hand in it! There are regulations to institute, policies to follow, lobbyists to pay and taxes to levy! And stuff!

Question: So, you are basically saying I cannot use crowdfunding because the government does not have a hand in it, and the government does not have a hand in it because they don’t have a hand in it?

Answer: You betcha!


So there you have it, what Richard and I figured out about crowdfunding and the SEC. Since we could not get a direct answer, we have decided to challenge SEC Chairman Mary Shapiro and former chairman Christopher Cox to a tag-team cage match, winner gets the right to determine how crowdfunding will be regulated. We’re negotiating the rights to put it on Pay Per View and failing that, we’re have a crowdsource funding campaign to raise money to rent a high school gym somewhere.

by Ben Baker

5 thoughts on “SEC Chair & Former Chair Challenged To Cage Match For Right To Determine Who Makes Crowdfunding Rules

  1. The SEC’s job is to protect the unaccredited the un-savvy and naive investor.
    Of course if they actually put a few crooked stockbrokers in Prison for ten years with 500% in minimum DAMAGES for ripping off Joe public.
    Instead of granting immunity from prosecution for company Directors.
    The usual token fines and a slap on the wrist.
    A real risk of prison time and damages might work to protect the un-savvy too!

    • It’s a common perception that the Feds are too lenient on white collar crime, but in reality Federal fines and potential prison time is very harsh. Mandatory sentencing guidelines make the situation worse.

  2. I know it sucks, why doesn’t the government lock up those who committed such crimes that they should be locked up for a further period of time, but they just get slapped on the hand.

  3. I must be honest, those rich people do get us jobs, if the government makes some type of large penalty that they have to pay, than hopefully they can learn their lesson. If we keep them in office if they can create jobs, we can still keep this economy running.

  4. I just say that the system is pretty screwed up when it comes to punishing fairly. We do not punish everyone fairly for their crimes especially when it comes to money. No matter how much money you have, you must pay the price by sacrificing your time in the slammer.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>