Republicans pitch “Trickle-Down-Crowdfunding . com”

Republicans take crowdfunding to the masses

In an effort to stimulate the stimulators, Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney and the Republican Party have launched a crowdfunding campaign they are calling – Trickling With The Money.

“This is simply revolutionary,” Mr. Romney said from the front seat one of his dozen luxury cars to 25 reporters packed into the back seat with two Secret Service security guards. “We’ve taken the trickle down economic approach which was proven by Ronald Reagan and we’re turning it around to jump start this economy. Instead of money trickling down from the upper reaches of the economy, we’re asking people to send money up the economic food chain to the people who really make the nation run. Frankly, they need enough money to invest in business and they need it from the 99 percent because the government is not handing out any more billion dollar checks.”

Mr. Romney issued a passionate plea to the 99 percent to give “whatever you can and then some” to the 1 percent so they have the money they need to invest in business. He also announced the website

“The 1 percent has just about exhausted all their available disposable investment money. They just don’t have the money to invest like they used to. They need money to reinvest in the economy, money to buy manufacturing plants, trucking companies for distribution of their new products and giant discount shopping centers so they can sell all this stuff they will be making,” the former governor of Massachusetts said.

He explained the 99 percent are actually investing in their own futures.

“These industrial plants, these trucking companies, these malls, this is where you will work. Ok, maybe you won’t work in the industrial plants unless you move to China, but you will be able to get jobs in the trucking industry and find gainful employment at minimum wage in the shopping malls selling the stuff,” the presidential candidate said. “You’ll have a job, a real job. That’s what’s important. Think about what it will mean to your children to know their parents finally have a job. Your children may even be able to work right alongside you. How’s that for supporting the family?”

Mr. Romney said that when people have a job, they are able to buy stuff.

“At least that’s what I’ve been told. I’m pretty sure people who don’t have money can’t buy things,” he said. “This is why people need to get behind this crowdfunding campaign for the 1 percent. Support those who support you.”

He said a clear majority of Americans are fully capable of supporting this campaign.

“If we start with 100 percent and take away the 1 percent who need the money to invest, we’re left with 99 percent. If we take away the 47 percent who don’t do anything, we still have 52 percent of the American people who have their own money. The other 47 percent have government money and as a member of government, I say they need to give that money to people who can make it work. Let’s do this!” he said. “Get up America! Do your part! Let’s show what the 99 percent can really do!”

Vice President nominee Paul Ryan also praised the plan, calling it the most forward-thinking and ambitious plan he’d ever seen to turn the American economy around and put it back on a solid footing, after he checked with the campaign’s spin doctors to make sure it was the right thing to say.

“We, as a nation, need to get behind this plan and support President Romney’s goal of supporting the 1 percent so they in turn can make more money and provide jobs to the people who need it, after taking a necessary profit of course,” Senator Ryan said. “The money invested today will eventually create job, jobs we need.”

Mr. Romney said he chose the crowdfunding platform to raise money because “it reaches out to the 99 percent” and lets the 1 percent take care of how the money is spent.